off the grid parenting soon enough

I thought i'd be productive, when the baby is napping and good.

But now that I stare at her slumbering face the more I realise, there's nothing worth talking about.

I don't care about fame as an artist, winning some stupid race.

I don't even care about capturing in a graceful sketched line, my sweet loving baby's cute face.

I just want to focus on her love. On her first forary into discovering reality.

On a blue mat on the grass, with a bunch of plastic toys abound, but nothing is quite so visceral as eating dirt and grass.

I watch her setting her sights on a strange plant - dandeloin - and ripping it up with her baby hands.

I love to see her scramble after my big black sketchbook, but I realise, it is full of nothing quite of any worth inside it. I am not proud of that sketchbook, like I haven't been proud of being a parent until this moment.

Until the moment I realised I don't want to be drawing, I want to be there experiencing life with my daughter. A real parent.

I live for her to come crawling back to me when it all becomes too much. I drop my sketchbook and don't even bother anymore. She grips at my long hair as if trying to climb higher some impossible mummy-tower. That is a sign she is getting tired.

After a good 45 minutes of play out onthe grass, that is her sign she is tired.

Well, this is all I can muster when my baby is napping and good. Reflections on small mouths mixed in grass with sandwhich crusts, and tiny dirty toes. 

I bring her into to her cot. She likes to sleep face down, bum nearly up in the air.

I am becoming a real parent day by day.

Being a real parent means I see through all of 'this'. This being all the bullshit, the evil values I let into my life via phone and internet. The evil I let in just by being exposed to it. The TV shows like the Wiggles even (an unlikely offender but still annoying). TLDR; I am going off the grid day by day.

I know where I want to move, where I want to live. I will make it happen.